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Friday 14 September 2012

Have Your Sexy Say:

If you have a question or a suggestion for a blog post, post your thoughts below:

Penises/vaginas/anuses, sex acts, fetishes, relationships, communication, casual sex, fuck buddies, techniques, desire, arousal, orgasm, STIs, monogamy, polyamory, ….. THE LIST GOES ON!

Think about what you wish you’d been taught about sex and then ask the questions or suggest a topic! Post it as a comment (you can use your googleID or go anonymous!) and I'll get onto it!

5 comments:

  1. I'd love to know more about the lives and sexual lives of bisexual and asexual people! I know alot of bi people but am always too shy to ask about how they find both sexes attractive and how different it is to have sex with both. Thanks!

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    1. Hi,
      It's interesting you mention this as I recently messaged a friend to ask if he would like to contribute a piece somewhat in relation to this. We were in a heterosexual relationship for around 7 years and since our relationship ended (about 3 years ago) he has come out as gay. I have asked him to write a piece about his experience of this and how it is to be with women (woman) and then men. So hopefully this will start the discussion a little further.

      However, I don't believe he identifies as bisexual, so I'll do a separate piece on those who do (and what this is like for them socially, personally & sexually).

      Thanks for the suggestion :)

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  2. Any recommendations for disclosing my physical situation to a new woman romantic interest (how/when), determining whether she may be willing to engage in SPH play, or safely exploring SPH play outside dating and romantic relationships?

    I'm 51, and realized at age 6 that I have an extremely small penis. It was then and still is tiny. It affected social situations, dating, marriage, and my own sexual thoughts and fantasies. Mostly I hid it as best I could, and avoided things like communal showers, strip poker, and skinny dipping. In addition to some mild persistent insecurities about my physical adequacy for vaginal penetrative intercourse, I came to understand at about age 46 that I have small penis humiliation (SPH) fantasies that I never acted upon or pursued with others. I like the idea of stepping out of the shadows and having more fun being the little guy that I am. I want to do so safely, and without ruining my career or family life. So, here we are.

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    1. As with any type of fetish or sexual desire, I would suggest it's important to develop a trusting relationship before you open up the conversation. Not only does this mean that you're both more comfortable with each other, but it lessens concerns that she may tell others without your permission. I would suggest being honest with her about your 'small penis' first (I'm assuming this is a micropenis, rather than a subjectively 'small' penis), and see how she responds to this. Obviously you want a woman who is able to adapt and be willing to try different things to get you both off - as I'm sure it may take a little bit of adjusting to.

      Once you know she is willing and comfortable with adapting to your size/abilities, then would be an appropriate time to bring up the SPH fantasies. Perhaps start by asking her if she has any fantasies or fetishes she's ever been interested in exploring. It's likely that regardless of her answer she'll also ask you if you have any fantasies/fetishes. This provides you with an opportunity to float the idea. I'd suggest you tell her pretty much exactly what you've written above - your early experiences of having a 'small penis', how it's affected your sex/personal life, how the fantasies have started developing and that you've never acted upon them but it's something you'd like to try. You may be surprised by how open she is to trying it out!

      In light of this, any play involving erotic humiliation needs to be thoroughly discussed with a partner beforehand, boundaries need to be established and 'safe words' need to be agreed on. Both scene negotiation (for each individual sexual 'scene' - should always happen BEFORE a scene and can often help AFTER a scene to have a 'debrief' aswell) and relationship negotation (what role does erotic humiliation play in the relationship - how often, who can/cannot be involved, how are other areas of the relationship affected etc). I would suggest these are particularly important as you have mentioned your need to be discreet about it, and you need to make sure your partner realises this.

      Hope this helps!

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  3. It helps immensely. After difficult teen years, and considerable teasing and nicknames, and stumbling into the world of dating and physical intimacy (with its own several humiliations), I was diagnosed with micropenis at age 24. The internet and great blogs like yours did not exist then. My testes matured, but my scrotum and testes remained unusually small also, leading one urologist to describe my genital development as "infantile" in my mid-20s. I'm the same today, as my unaroused penis stayed the size and shape of a sewing thimble, 2.5 cm in length. I'm fully formed and functional, but erect, it grows to only 6 cm. I don't think that my parents ever knew. I couldn't talk with them about it, and they never saw me naked after I could bathe and dress myself, starting about age 4 or 5.

    It feels good to put behind me the shame of something I can't control, and to be able to inlclude these feelings of excitement in safe and controlled play with a woman willing to do this. Thank you for your perspective.

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